Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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