I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
