Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
