Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
