I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
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We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
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you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?