okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I spit up blood this morning
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.