I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!