well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
