i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.