i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
