thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
