In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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