my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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