Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just pee around me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
