Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
it's like iHOP with fire
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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