As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
