If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
