Apparently you make a good broom.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
