I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
