How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
