My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
