her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
