Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
