I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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