Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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