My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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