I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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