you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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