fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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