her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
