please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This house was built for laser tag.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
