If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
