im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
