Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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