ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
