I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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