PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
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I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
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I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's shark week go big or go home
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize