suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
