shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I need a beard to bite.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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