Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
