goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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