the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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