I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
