she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
