hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
