I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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