Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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