She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
