he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
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I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
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As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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