remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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