I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He had one of those small greek statue penises
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize