so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
