I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
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the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
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I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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