a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
this must be what syphilis tastes like
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
