I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
