he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
