I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
