So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
