I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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