Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
