my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
