i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He uses pillows to masturbate.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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