After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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