they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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