I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
