So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
