I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
