dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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