i was rollin on her like bob the builder
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
