Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
3pm strippers are depressing
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
