I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
