Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Enjoy the penises
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
