think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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