Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
