you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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