real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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