woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
