Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
