you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
