i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
