he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
